I saw a movie Think Like a Man, which is described as a tale where "Four friends conspire to turn the tables on their women when they discover the ladies have been using Steve Harvey's relationship advice against them." Okay, I already love this premise. I think turning the tables on the guys in our life, especially using their own advice, can give both sexes a better idea of how we each think. In the movie the guys switch things up by giving their women a lesson in love, but imagine how thinking like a man in real life could help you. You don't need a movie to get some insight into the male brain, although it doesn't hurt. As a relationship expert, I have guys write in about their questions, which certainly helps me understand where they're coming from. But I've also found out what guys are thinking a few other ways, too.
1. Intro
2. Male Friends
My guy friends have been really invaluable in my life. In fact, some of my longest friendships are with guys I've known my entire life. These aren't guys I went out with, however. They were friends from the beginning and remain so. I think this is an important part of having a successful male/female friendship. If you date a guy, he might not be so honest with you. My guy friends have given me insight into those nagging questions we as women have about love and dating, even now in midlife: • Why didn't he call? • Is he serious about our relationship? • Is he cheating on me? • Is he interested? And on and on. Now, I have to say that sometimes hearing the guy's perspective can really make you cringe. But take it in stride, and know that in the long run, you'll be better off knowing what really goes through a guy's mind. It doesn't mean they are all alike, but what you'll learn are the differences in how they fall in love, communicate, and express their feelings.
3. Ask the Guys at Work
If you lack male friends, you might want to pose a few "why did this happen" questions to some of the guys at work. Again, this isn't so you can "kill the messenger" when they tell you something you really don't want to hear. Listen without judgment to what the guys in the office tell you. They'll often point out a few clues you missed when it comes to your man's behavior.
4. Think Like a Man by Communicating Like Him
It isn't just thoughts that women want when it comes to guys, it's understanding the way he tells you (or fails to tell you) those thoughts. Women do a lot of wondering when a guy is quiet, or worry when he says some random thing that really doesn't mean anything. The thing is, sometimes he isn't trying to say anything about you or your relationship. But how do you know? One way to learn more about men is to understand how they express themselves. It isn't just feelings we're talking about here, but how they talk at work, why they seem to cut you off, and how they chat on a first date. I was once worked in a male-dominated industry, and found Deborah Tannen's book, You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation very insightful. The book shares research and also conversation examples that can help you understand why your guy talks like he does.
5. Thinking Like a Man So You Can Communicate to Be Heard
Most importantly, learning to think like a man will help you change your communicate style just enough so that you're heard when you need to be. When this happens, it changes your dating life. You'll feel less stress about wondering "why did he" do something because you'll be able to view the situation as he might be seeing it. The upside is that the more confident and secure you are as a dater, the more likely you'll attract the right guy to you and develop a relationship that includes good communication.